I don't think I can even do it at this point. I've felt "love" before, in some way, but it's never been to the degree and intensity it has been for other people. I've had my heart broken, but not so much due to losing lover; it's been more of a humiliated/betrayed trust feeling (was cheated on). I had a fiance once and I broke up with her. I had some kind of "love" for her, but when we broke up I just felt nothing. When I have sex I don't really feel any emotion during, just the good physical sensation is about it. It makes me feel like I'm part autistic or some shit. Like, I was going to marry this girl, and I have no idea why. I guess I just thought she was the most stable person I could find? I tried to feel that intense love that people described, but it was always forced. I just feel like I put up this wall a long time ago and only once in a blue moon does anything manage to climb over it.
I love my mother and my family, but again there isn't that "connection" with that sort of love, you know? I don't feel like anybody in my life really knows me at all and I feel like I've been this way for so long that I am incapable of actually opening up to people. Maybe I'm just being a pussy about this? Either way, it's been bothering me a lot lately. I think about it constantly...
I know there are a lot of people like this and I'm not trying to make myself out to be special or a victim or anything. It's something that I feel I'm missing from my life, though, and I guess this is my way of feeling less alone? Because it is incredibly lonely.
[–]Mnemonic 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun - (5 children)
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