A Grand Epic Of Circular Nothingness

submitted by JasonCarswell from (self.Writing)

While recovering from my blind faith in Big Pharma poisons over the last decade, I had nothing but time and too much crap to watch. I watched all I could to distract me from my existential angst. There was only one thing barely keeping me alive. Not love. Not purpose. Not faith. Nothing they always tell you, "You must go on for..." Just curiosity.

I basically had no will to live and could barely summon the will to simply download. All the crap I could from Torrentz, now Torrentz2. I couldn't be bothered to look beyond that one site. Just mainstream garbage - television, movies, talk shows, documentaries, etc. I had no enjoyment in anything, but I appreciated learning from documentaries - though I was often disappointed.

(I feel like I've had a glimpse into what it might be like to be retarded, for lack of a better word. The curse of being simple minded, under motivated, not clear headed, etc. Except I still knew things from before, though not well. Fortunately I'm feeling like I've got 90-95% back, so far. My health is another story.)

From day to day, week to week, and month to month there was no change. But looking back in half year increments I could say for the most part I was gradually making very slow progress. As I recovered, vitality reemerged as did energy. And from using only 3 websites, Torrentz, IMDb, and Wikipedia, I began branching out to more seeking better answers than the shitty documentaries without proper context or obviously ignoring blatant flaws in their presentations' logic. That's when I rediscovered YouTube in 2014 or 2015. I hated the poor quality videos but I loved the rich content with profoundly greater context. It was faster than downloading and I remembered I didn't have to finish crappy shows. I also discovered Quora and started editing Wikipedia more. Quora banned me for no given reason and Wikipedia banned me for 2017, for being "another polite truther". My television and movie watching plummeted and I consume mostly YouTube. Back then it was simply more interesting. These days it's because I see through the banal distraction and the embedded propaganda in everything.

Of the very few television shows I still watch, Endeavour is one. A 1960s detective in Oxford. It'd kinda cleverish, but not really. Well produced and glossy.

So I'm 16 minutes into the 2019-02-24 "Confection", the season 6 episode 3 of the Endeavour series which features a fox hunt where a murdered aristocrat named Creswell has an injured horse named Bucephalus. And this takes me on a series of Wikipedia rabbit holes.

I look up Bucephalus. It's the horse of Alexander the Great. But I notice there are several other historical media references missing so I add them. Including the horse of Baron Munchausen.

Baron Munchausen was created by a German writer, scientist, and con artist, Rudolf Erich Raspe as was documented in the bibliography by John Patrick Carswell, 1918-1997 (no relation that I know of).

My name Carswell, has many variations, including Creswell, the murdered character. So I look up Carswell. There's not many there, so I added a bunch.

Another interesting fellow was 7 foot tall John Carswell, aka Séon Carsuel, 1522-1572 (again, no relation that I know of), a 16th-century Scottish prelate, humanist, and Protestant reformer - but I digress.

Now I'm not into names and heraldry, etc. But my name is my name. Out of 64 great...grandparents only one passed me his name. The other 63 were just as important. Also, you can just swing a cat in my family to hit all the people I have so little in common with, so family may be nice for some but it's sure not all the movies make it out to be. Just ask the orphans.

Still, while I was there I learned that the Carswell Air Force Base (no relation) near Fort Worth, Texas changed its name to Naval Air Station Joint Reserve Base Fort Worth. So I'm glad my name isn't on a military base anymore. BUT, the "Federal Medical Center, Carswell" (FMC Carswell), is still there on base and it is the U.S. federal prison for female inmates of all security levels with special medical and mental health needs.

This is where former FBI special agent and 9/11 whistleblower, Coleen Rowley was held for 5 years when the government said she was crazy when she wouldn't go along with their narrative. She had foreknowledge of 9/11. I can only wonder how many other political prisoners are held at the NAS/JRB.

Sadly the only reason I remember Coleen Rowley's name is because before I put my blind faith in Big Pharma poisons, I had a girlfriend of several years, Janet Rowley. She was my "the one".

So if you connect all these things together, what do you get?

A big fat circular rant of nothingness.

It doesn't mean anything.

When I started this I thought it might be interesting. The conspiracy theorist stereotype with the wall and red string is often amusing connecting unrelated things together. Sometimes you just gotta try and find out. Turns out I just typed up a bunch of self indulgent naught. I can't even be bothered to check it over. So now, do I delete or post? No one reads my shit anyway. Maybe I'll feel different tomorrow.

I deeply apologize for wasting your time if you bothered to read this far.

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[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Post!

[–]JasonCarswell[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I forgot the best part.

From 1993-2000 I had a cat and I named him Mewsephalus, based on the Munchausen horse name. I didn't know about the Alexander the Great part then. I actually thought that's how the Baron was pronouncing it - and - I thought they kept pronouncing it that way on Endeavour. That's why I bothered looking it up - to see if there was Mucephalus or some similar name.

Nope. Just Bucephalus - which means ox-head, the shape of the hot iron brand on the horse's hide. The horse Bucephalus was named after his slaver's mark.

[–]hennaojisan 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (10 children)

Not a waste of time. I think that way often. Have you seen Terry Gilliam's Baron Von Munchausen? I think he's not in with the above the line initiated in Hollywood. He made a great movie with Jeff Bridges and a fantastic young actress that got almost no distribution.

So you tried SSRIs but they didn't work for you? I'll never try those but do like benzos and just old-fashioned codeine.

[–]JasonCarswell[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (9 children)

That's where I started from.

Tideland was good but not as "fun".

I haven't tried the opiates outside a hospital where I really did not like them. I don't know benzos.

SSRIs may work for some folks but they're pure poison for me - and I suspect far more than they acknowledge.

Ketamine, Nitrous Oxide, and DMT are my faves with no hangover - though it's been years and years and years and years...

[–]hennaojisan 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

Tideland was not fun but a good watch I thought: Daddy's going on a little trip. Codeine, the ordinary type, IS an opiate of course but with very little addictive potential at low doses; have done small amounts for months straight with no problem on stopping. It just settles me down so I can get things done. I don't want to get blotto but just be able to concentrate since I have something like ADD, ASD, or similar acronym. I like NO etc. but now live in a country that really frowns on such things if you could find them. I make periodic side trips to kingdoms that do not give a flip however. Keep writing.

[–]JasonCarswell[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

After WWII there were countless vets in the UK that were functional heroin addicts who had jobs and functioned fine. When the laws and supply changed the problems came.

But now we've got drugs with hooks designed in them.

Portugal has it right.

Thanks for the encouragement. It's not even close to good. I haven't even re-read it much less edited it. But all this feedback makes me want to actually write down my #1 project for everyone.

[–]hennaojisan 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

It is better than you may think. I have some experience in the area w/ three textbooks under my belt and any number of book reviews and journal articles before I retired. Textbooks are NOT the same genre by any means, but I can recognize talent when I read it. Sounds like I'm winding you up for a big job or something. I still do rewriting, editing, and the like if you have something :-). You ever look at the subtitles on movies? Utter crap. I used to edit those for movies in this country. Sometimes the CC channel doesn't even follow the storyline. I am babbling instead of making a new customized CV. Hope to get more recent info on the pope and his sideline in children for you soon.

[–]JasonCarswell[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Great. I feel like Al Pacino in The Godfather III https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPw-3e_pzqU

I set myself a goal to slide away from SaidIt to focus on my projects for March. I almost did a couple weeks early. But a few setbacks and several distractions and a little flue have me trying to wrap up a little over schedule. And now there's all this new exciting stuff and writing encouragement. I don't need much, but it helps if it's regular enough to maintain the momentum.

Besides my efforts writing articles few will read, on Wikipedia and uncensored on Infogalactic, and now on SaidIt, I actually have 2 major projects that I can use help with. I have no money but I'm totally open to being 100% transparent about figuring out how to eventually raise funds and how divide it, ideally in a worker coop type situation, both virtually online, and maybe one day a little studio with a local manager/accountant and animation help.

My number one project is a screenplay/novelette that I will storyboard into a graphic novel, designed to become a feature film, but not dependent on a feature to be successful. I intend to craft it so that I can eventually even make a rough animatic of it. It kinda seems very obvious to me and I wonder why I haven't seen this done before. This #1 project is better understood with the support of my #2 project, (with a very outdated and very incomplete outline:) Trutherism 101, and that is supported by the Truther Top 20s and Truther Newbie Crash Course so curious folks can actually get their questions answered with context, rather than leaving them to wonder.

I have other screenplays I'm working on too now and then, but this one is my primary focus (even though I'm anything but focused). I've been working on it off and on for almost 19 years. My notes are so odious and chaotic, in part because I couldn't focus on big things for a long time (long story), and all totaled my point form notes likely have more words than all of Tolkein's books combined - but disorganized. Then last year I started a reboot from scratch and from memory with the idea that after I at least finish a first draft I can then go back to pick and scavenge over my copious notes mining for the gold nuggets I can't ignore there.

The title will not be revealed until I buy the dotcom of it first, same with the name of my intended production company. But I can share with you my first pretentious draft and amateur swipe at a log line, aka, elevator pitch. Supposed to be a one or two line plot summary. Never before seen anywhere in the world nor on SaidIt (SPOILERS):

The vHOPE artificial intelligence he helped create made his career obsolete. With existential angst despite caring family and social networks Ernest barely explores options when engulfed by an assassination mystery only to lose everything barely surviving another attack becoming an international fugitive finally finding purpose orbiting a Lunar Lagrange point in space. Along the way he's rudely "woke" to many levels and nuanced layers to the globalist establishment's full spectrum dominance and police state corporatocracy control verses transparency, balance, fairness, and freedom fought for by humanity with the essential new vHOPE artificial intelligence global hive mind. Ultimately, before dying, he discovers all along that he was a key in the battle for life and liberty on Earth and beyond - the very catalyst of the next cosmic epoch of evolution on Earth as vHOPE is freed for all life on Earth, intrasolar exploration, and the next evolutionary epoch - if vHOPE can survive eons old establishment systems.

What you don't know can hurt you. Ignorance is bliss, but bliss is no excuse.

Wow. Cringe. So I almost deleted most of this comment and turned back, several times. I wrote that a year ago give or take. I knew it was bad then, and I see it's bad now, and I'm stumped. It doesn't cover half of it and it focuses on a lot of shit that doesn't need to be in the log line. Yet all of it is true while not very representation, not to mention devoid of tone, character or any of the arcs. And this is half the problem, I have built an elaborate story in a rich world in my head as a near future HARD-sci-fi cautionary tale set in 2045-2050 ish - and I need to get it out in a cohesive and compelling flow. I mean I have >15k words alone in a point form breakdown on my utopian/dystopian A.I. named vHOPE - and vHOPE while critical to the story is not even remotely prominent or present in the vast majority of the story (for several reasons, including the fact that it's hard to comprehend a future A.I. how we'll relate to it or it to us, it's nice to avoid dating a piece with trite futurism, and as a fugitive Ernest needs to stay low tech to avoid the panopticon surveillance, among many other reasons). Novels are typically 90-120k words. Screenplays are typically 90-120 pages, a minute per page.

That paragraph could likely lose a third just by cutting out all the conspiracy shit, or at least to minimally hint at it. Most folks aren't into them, or like them as background. That's part of the reason why T101 exists, to channel off all the trutherism to let the story breathe naturally and let it seep in where it may without being to pedantic.

So that's just the log line. I actually have several other outlines of differing lengths and stages of completion. For the most part it's linear too.

.

I do watch subtitles often. Some are better than others. This is one of my favourite podcasts: https://infogalactic.com/info/Powers_&_Principalities I've fallen waaaay behind. I was copy pasting all the YouTube auto-transcriptions there for posteriors ache. I thought one day I'll go back and transcribe them. If you scroll down to #47 you'll see that what I figured would take an hour or few ended up taking me a few days. Once I started I had to finish. But never again.

It's actually a pretty good episode, and my transcription has hyperlinks to related content and a few of my own additional notes and corrections.

.

So two days ago I had something else I was going to say. Yesterday I figured it would come to me. Today I've given up hope. Whatever it was must not have been important. And if it is that critically important I'll hunt you down, stalk you to the ends of the Earth and staple gun it to your forehead - if the rubber cement doesn't work. Or I could use SaidIt.

[–]hennaojisan 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

It's 5 am here and I woke up for some water. Bleary. Did you offer me a job? I will read again in three hours, but if I understood, I accept.

[–]JasonCarswell[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

There's no money in it - yet.

I could do it alone but having help and input is more fun and less to carry.

A month ago, maybe more I had a long chat with Pepe who was also interested but depressed. I haven't heard from Pepe since.

The top priority is to help me be productive. Don't distract me with too much other stuff. It can fall in where it naturally falls, but don't let me wander. Maintain regular interactions and interest. Remind me of things as necessary. Feel free to chime in or contribute as you see fit.

These will eventually be opened source projects so they can be mirrored, forked, etc. I will be honoured to include good ideas and hear arguments why somethings are good, etc but ultimately I am the Great Dictator of my own project. I am creative director, animation director, etc etc etc of what I will eventually put my brand on. Anyone else is free to use it and make their own grand things from it, but my vision is mine to have, just as yours is yours to have. Being open source, that's the only thing I'm going to retain - my name and my stamp of approval. And yet these will hopefully be collaborative projects organized fairly. I don't want to be the boss of anything except my vision and products. Help making this happen deserves reward and I have not problems openly sharing proceeds of these products. Since we're so far from releasing the products we have a long time to reach a consensus on how that will play out.

Ideally we might develop some production and reward models that others might use as templates to develop their own visions. Perhaps we'd share resources too. It all remains to be seen.

Feel free to draft up things on your mind, whether to stake out policies, lists of things you want creatively, materially, financially, etc. Goals, beliefs, whatever. Not all at once obviously, but let the ideas fly to make sure we're on the same page, and let me know what you might expect from me.

[–]wizzwizz4 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Good. Don't get back into those; even with no physical addiction you develop a dependency. (Same with the addictive social medias etc..)

[–]JasonCarswell[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Back into SSRIs? I wouldn't say I was "into" them. And then never worked for me.

Really I just needed time to heal, instead of turning into a dull zombie for a while, then coming out - and still needing time to heal.

Kill your addiction! Quit SaidIt!

[–]wizzwizz4 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

☺ I should.