Don't even bother trying, the matrix always reverses the sudden deaths of non-NPCs so it can keep us here as long as possible. You'll either die but then wake up right before you did it, or you'll survive "miraculously", likely with serious injuries. It's not worth the risk. Just don't blindly go into the light when you die, it's probably a trap set by the devil to make you come back here again, or maybe even worse.

One person even saw the matrix searching for possible scenarios to make a fatal car accident he'd just been in never happen (although that one sounded pretty similar to some common drug trips so it might've been a hallucination. Then again Ezekiel saw the same thing in a prophetic vision so maybe it's real).

Anyway, it's not God, unless there's a deeper reason like with Job, it's far more likely the archons are picking on you. They hate me too. I know exactly what you mean by everyone and everything being stacked against you, like you attract negativity just by existing. Try not to blame the people though, they are also victims in being pawns in the game of bullying you. And it takes a lot of effort not to blame yourself for it, because that's exactly what they're trying to get you to believe so you go even more insane. They are brutal sadists, and one honest look at their world will make that fact obvious, as much as everyone refuses to awknowledge it.