all 17 comments

[–][deleted] 29 insightful - 12 fun29 insightful - 11 fun30 insightful - 12 fun -  (0 children)

I like fishing so someone tried to tell me I was non-binary. Apparently women aren't allowed to fish.

I'm not a fan of strap-ons either and TRAs always seem to be unable to comprehend that since one of their arguments revolves around a "girldcik" being no different than a strap-on. They haven't tried to say I was trans because of it yet though.

[–]CaptainMooseEx-Bathhouse Employee 27 insightful - 1 fun27 insightful - 0 fun28 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Back when I used to do drag I was told by a HSTS prostitute that I would eventually transition. This guy goes back and forth between living as a "woman" who is disgusted with gay men to being a gay man who hates other gay men because of how ungrateful we are for all he's done for that city's LGBT community as a drag performer (despite the fact that he is a crackhead whose behaviour pretty much sank attendance to the one gay bar until it closed). He was kind of right- I did develop gender dysphoria and considered myself "non-binary" for a while. However, I realized it was a quarter life crisis because of how badly I wanted to perform mixed with the reality of my life and working 7 nights a week and watching my 20s go by.

[–]xanditAGAB (Assigned Gay at Birth) 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

How would you describe your dysphoric feelings?

[–]CaptainMooseEx-Bathhouse Employee 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

A lot of distress over my body and this clawing anxiety that I was losing time each passing night I worked. I wanted my body to be both masculine and feminine. I didn't want surgery (except to fix parts of my face that I would want to change regardless) or hormones because I just wanted to exist naturally. I was shaving my legs, which gave me some relief because it was a physical action I could see myself accomplish when I did it. I grew my hair out, but it became too inconvenient to take care of because of my work schedule so I had it all chopped off. I also hated having to wear suits and dress shirts to work (I still hate them because they are too heavy and the collars of dress shirts choke me out). What's wild is that years earlier I was sporting a goatee and was comfortable and proud of that.

It's weird to describe desisting, but chopping the hair off was like a reverse Samson moment. I got a lot of clarity in just letting go and being practical. I started coming to terms with unresolved traumas, the fact that I didn't feel agency over my body because of my work and living situations at the time (this was pre-bathhouse), and ending up moving cities and growing my beard and body hair back out. I junked all my makeup and drag stuff (should have sold it, honestly), paid off my debt, and having just been coasting through the pandemic working toward new goals and asserting my agency in various ways that can't be taken from me.

[–]dramasexual 23 insightful - 7 fun23 insightful - 6 fun24 insightful - 7 fun -  (6 children)

I had someone tell me I should consider transition because I really like math.

I had someone else just look me up and down and say "Why don't you just go all the way?"

[–]hufflepuff-poet 19 insightful - 2 fun19 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

That's so rude wtf!

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

They are just not going to be happy until it's 1950 all over again.

[–]HelloMomo 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

But in 1950s, butches could just be butches, right?

[–]wafflegaffWoman. SuperBi. 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Pretty sure that was true (whether in hiding or otherwise) up through about ten years ago, but I haven't been keeping track lately. (That is still true of course, but with more harassment about transitioning now perhaps? I am not butch so I'll let the butches clue us in, here.)

[–]dramasexual 9 insightful - 4 fun9 insightful - 3 fun10 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

I don't think it was intended to be a burn, either. She was genuinely giving me an earnest suggestion.

[–]Three_oneFourWanted for thought crimes in countless ideologies 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Ah yes, let's just undo the last several decades' worth of initiatives and movements to try and tell young girls that they are allowed to be smart and can enter STEM fields. Nope, apparently not. Only men are allowed to do anything with math. If you like math, you must be a man. It's the exact same misogyny, just with a different "solution."

In the past, it was discouraging women from entering STEM, now it's discouraging anyone in STEM from being a woman. Same goal, same misogyny, different execution.

[–]JoeyJoeJoe 22 insightful - 1 fun22 insightful - 0 fun23 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The more scrutiny one applies to trans-logic, the less reason there is to believe that "trans" is anything other than a narcissistic role playing exercise.

[–]GoValidateYourselfuseful lesbian 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I had one girl I used to hang out with say I should transition because "you'd be like a cute K pop guy". Wtf you're friends with my family! We're not even Korean! That's how I learned my friend was a homophobe and a racist.

More subtle, damaging pressure came from transwomen friends I made in my college's QSU. In a conversation, one of them said to me "I had to work to look this beautiful, I didn't have it easy like ciswomen. I mean, do you even want to be a woman?"

[–]Beryl 5 insightful - 3 fun5 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

I remember someone telling me I must be a woman because my favorite perfume is a rose scent.

[–]TransspeciesUnicornI sexually identify as a mythical sparkly equine 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I wasn't exactly urged to transition, but had it lightly suggested. I had a therapist once who asked me to make a list of things that made me feel anxious or powerless or something like that. I put "being female" on the list, and my therapist suggested that maybe I wanted to transition.

[–]Three_oneFourWanted for thought crimes in countless ideologies 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Well, is it really being female that makes you feel anxious and powerless or being female in a misogynist society that makes you feel like that? One of these is inherent to you, the other is about how others treat you

[–]reluctant_commenter 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Someone told me that if I don't wanna be strapped it's a sign that I might be trans.

Sorry this is late, but-- What! I suppose they'd call me trans too, then, Wtf. That is absolutely ridiculous.

Fortunately, I haven't had anyone IRL tell me I must be trans. But I also try to avoid these sorts of conversations IRL as much as possible. I think the closest I've got was having someone call me a "prince" and other masculine terms because I helped her carry some stuff up the stairs. I don't know why helping someone carry their stuff has to be so gendered...